Modesty had never really been on my radar. I knew what I thought was appropriate and what I thought wasn’t, but never really looked into it any further than that…Until now. With all of the pornography ingrained into our culture, I have been studying and researching what makes men want to look at those things & what can we do to help them? While the answer does not entirely fall on us, I believe a man’s heart needs to be pure and focused on the Lord. The Lord made the answer very clear to me as to my part. As I have been reading, studying and interviewing different people I have discovered one very helpful thing that we as girls/ women can do to help our brothers…How we dress. Men were created very visual beings. It may surprise some of you the thoughts that go through a man’s mind through out the day. Some of them surprised me. As a good friend of mine pointed out to me, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” That is until the Holy Spirit convicts you, or illuminates you, you don’t know that you are doing something wrong. I never thought the way I dressed was making anyone stumble. I had always been appropriate, nothing too revealing, or so I thought. But in my journey I discovered there were some fatal mistakes I was making. Spiritually fatal, that is. Each discovery opened my eyes further to see that I was a stumbling block to my brothers in Christ and even to other women’s husbands. Here are some of the resources I received on this journey that I would like to share with you. They have helped me a great deal to create my own family standard of dressing modestly. A friend of mine studied Scripture to see what it said about nakedness. She found that every scripture on nakedness was a woman’s thigh showing. After I found the “Modesty Survey” I realized that ANY cleavage showing was a stumbling block for men. So my friend made up a catchy little tune,” Neck to knee, no one should see!” I thought it was cute and that is the standard my family tries to live by. Also after reading research about how men’s eyes immediately go to a girl’s crotch when she wear pants, I did a screeching halt. I surely don’t want anyone but my husband looking at that area or anyone looking at my daughters in that way except their husbands, so trying to wear pants after knowing these things really convicted me. We now wear skirts or dresses 90% or more of the time. My daughters have also chosen to do this on their own. Even after I told them it was o.k. for them to wear pants because there were no more clean skirts until I did laundry, they insisted on finding a dress to wear instead. These are our families own personal convictions. Not every family will have the same journey as we did. I just want to bring to light some of the truth we have learned to educate and encourage fellow sisters to be mindful of their dress.To do further research, read below for some more resources on modesty.
Then God Clothed Them
By John Piper © DesiringGod.org
As guys, we complicate it further by carelessly sinking to our own lowest levels sexually. Our visual nature first forces God to call women to modesty, depriving them of their freedom to define their own style of dress. While that is frustrating in its own way, their real frustration comes when we only pay attention to the girls in our youth groups that dress hot, while ignoring the ones who dress modestly and chase after God. We expect the women to protect us from our own visual nature by dressing modestly, while doing little to rise above that nature ourselves, allowing them to be penalized twice over for our nature
Who can blame the girl who throws up her hands and snaps, I’m through worrying about this modesty thing! Their eyes are their problem, not mine! I certainly can’t blame them as long as we are being so lazy about it ourselves. We must take care of our own responsibilities first by disciplining our eyes and our minds to line up with scripture if we expect our women to line up in modesty. We are men. We must lead in all this.
And that is what I love about The Modesty Survey. It allows guys to take some responsibility and leadership. We can honestly help train our sisters in Christ about where those boundaries lie and, hopefully, as we think through the issue ourselves, we can begin to stand up as men by joining the Rebelution against low expectations. Expect more of yourself sexually. Begin by honoring those girls around you who are dressing modestly and who are focusing as much on their inner beauty as their outer apparel.